Letting Go

"Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.' "
1 Corinthians 15:33

I'd love to write a nice, cushy, feel-good post this week, but that's not on the agenda.

Sadly, I had to cut loose someone from my life earlier this month. This person (I'll call him "Dudley" since I don't actually know anyone by that name) was someone who was introduced into my life several years ago while I was in a very toxic relationship. Unfortunately, this toxic relationship brought with it a lot of toxic associations. After I ended that relationship to preserve my own sanity and health (physical and spiritual), I had to start the painful process of extracting all of the toxic people from my life that I had acquired as part of that relationship.

Dudley was the last person that I needed to let go. He managed to hang on long after all the others had been lovingly but firmly shown the exit door of my life. Somehow, every time I thought he had just simply vanished into oblivion, suddenly he would resurface and charm his way back into my graces. If you've been around long enough, you've probably had one or two Dudleys in your life. You know the type: they take and take and take and never give back. They manage to suck the life and energy out of you (and your resources if possible), and then make you feel guilty when you have nothing left to give them. I like to refer to such people as social vampires. They bleed you dry and then move on to their next victim.

Dudley came with a disproportionate sense of entitlement. He had a rough life, and therefore decided that the world owed him something. If he had a need, it was the obligation of those around him to provide for that need, without expecting anything in return. And if you didn't give it to him quickly enough or on his terms, he would simply help himself to what he needed.

It was during one of these times, the last time he was a guest in my home, that I finally realized just how much of a taker Dudley was. I literally caught him making an unauthorized withdrawal from my wallet (he would never call it stealing). Rather than make a big scene and risk unnecessary drama, I asked him to gather his things and I drove him back to his home. I used the excuse that his presence was bothering my dog Buddy (it was). Apparently Buddy is a much better judge of character than I - he never liked Dudley from the day they first met.

Once I dropped Dudley back at his home, I discontinued all forms of communication with him. No emails, no phone calls, no texts, no facebook. His attempts to contact me were ignored, and eventually he quit trying after about a week. His early messages feigned ignorance as to why I was ignoring him. I guess he finally accepted the fact that I knew the score, and he had lost the game.

Even though I knew he had taken advantage of me more times than I cared to admit, this was still a hard thing to do. It's been hard every time I've had to cut someone out of my life. I tend to be a fairly private person, so when I take you into my inner circle of friends, I consider you part of my extended family. So when it becomes necessary to remove you from my family, it hurts me as much as it hurts you.

But God never called us to be doormats and patsies. Jesus taught His disciples that they should shake the dust from their feet if they were met inhospitably as they traveled about from town to town. There are times when we have to turn our backs on people that we genuinely care about if they become a hindrance to our well-being, our families or our ministries. It's called tough love. God expects us to use our time, talents and resources where they will produce an abundant harvest. To squander them on people who will produce nothing but weeds and thorns is counterproductive and ineffective. In Matthew 7:6, Jesus said, "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."

I don't know what Dudley is doing now, and frankly, I really don't care. He claims to know the Lord (and I believe he does), so I'll let God take care of him going forward. I need to focus on people in my life where I can make a real difference.

If you have a toxic person in your life, you need to give yourself permission to let him or her go. In the long run, you will do both yourself and the other person a favor. By releasing your "Dudley", you free him or her to make some hard decisions about how they are living their life and using people (trust me, if he is using you, he's using others also). Yes, it is hard. Yes, it is painful. But it is necessary so you can have that weight around your neck removed and you can get about the business of living your life the way God meant for you to live it.

Maybe next week I'll write about puppies and rainbows. Or not.

Have a blessed week!

Pastor David