Proverbs 18:21
One of the most memorable and oft-quoted lines from Disney's classic film Bambi is, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
It would seem that celebrity chef Paula Deen has learned this lesson the hard way recently. Over the past week, like a row of dominoes, nearly all of her corporate partners canceled their contracts with her, costing her millions of dollars in lost revenue. Almost overnight she has become public relations poison for brands that once embraced her southern charm and buttery cooking.
The cause of this firestorm was the revelation that Paula is being sued by one of her employees for fostering a hostile atmosphere of racial and sexual harassment. At the center of this scandal is the allegation that Paula uses the "N" word. She claims it was something she used to say "in the past" but doesn't really use it any more. I'm not convinced that is about something she said decades ago (what white southerner from her generation didn't have the "N" word in their vocabulary at one time?). The fact that she is being accused of this, and more, by a current white employee on behalf of her fellow workers tells me that Ms. Deen hasn't exactly corrected her vocabulary to ensure that her employees have her respect regardless of the color of their skin. In fact, according to the claims in the lawsuit, Paul and her brother have quite am interesting vocabulary when it comes to interacting with African-Americans. Click here for more details.
I suppose in due time we will learn the truth as this case winds its way through the courts. I don't want to put myself in the position of judging her just yet, but I think we can learn a valuable lesson from her situation.
The quote from Proverbs above is a favorite of mine. As one whose mouth regularly gets him into trouble, I need all the reminders I can get about how important our words are. Words can heal or destroy, lift up or tear down, literally give live or inflict death. A word spoken can never be retrieved. It doesn't matter how much you may apologize or cry tears of remorse, the damage of a carelessly spoken word can never be totally undone. The offended party may forgive you, but your words will always leave a scar on their heart or in their spirit.
In this day and age where we seem to have more conversations online than face-to-face, I think people tend to be more careless about what they say and how they say it when they don't have to look the other person in the eye. And because we can't always detect the person's reaction to what we've said, we may not even realize how hurtful our words may have been.
Just because something pops into your head doesn't mean it's worth saying. Even the truth doesn't always need to be verbalized if you know that speaking it is going to do more harm than good. If you find yourself wanting to say something that isn't specifically uplifting or encouraging, stop for a moment and ask yourself a few questions:
- What is my motivation for saying this - am I trying to help the person, or am I trying to make myself feel better or more superior?
- Is this something that needs to be said, or am I just trying to prove that I'm right?
- How will this person receive what I'm trying to say?
- Is there a better way to say this that will be more palatable to the hearer?
Psalm 141:3 says, "Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." Let this be our prayer every day.
Have a blessed week!
Pastor David
