A Time To Forgive

When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

“Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Luke 7:36-50

The parents of Matthew Shepard, the young gay man who was murdered in Wyoming in 1998, rejoiced over the guilty verdict reached by a Laramie jury in November 1999. The judge told a packed courtroom that the jury’s verdict “showed true courage” and sent a message that violence is not the solution to differing views on sexual orientation.

Courtroom observers were not prepared for what Dennis and Judy Shepard did next. After waiting 13 months for a guilty verdict for their son’s killers, Matthew Shepard’s parents asked the judge to spare the lives of Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson by giving them life sentences rather than the death penalty.

According to attorney Cal Rerucha, who prosecuted the case, “They (the Shepards) could look into the eyes of the man who took their son and give him mercy.”

Have you ever struggled with forgiving someone who has harmed you? If not, you probably have lived your life in a bubble up to now. We all struggle with forgiveness from time to time. It is natural and normal for us to want to punish those who hurt us. That’s why forgiveness is a supernatural, spiritual act. It goes against the grain of our fleshly nature.

Distorted Ideas About Forgiveness

Part of the problem we have with embracing forgiveness as a way of life is that we tend to have some distorted ideas about forgiveness. Some people think that forgiveness is only reserved for major infractions; that somehow if the offense doesn’t come with great drama and fanfare, it doesn’t require forgiveness. But forgiveness can be about big issues and little issues. When the offenses, hurts or disappointments caused by others affect things of central value to our lives, we need to respond with forgiveness. We tend to gloss over minor offenses as not being that important, lest we blow them out of proportion. After all, who wants to rock the boat as long as it’s still sailing? However, unless these minor offenses are forgiven, they can build up into insurmountable resentment.

Another issue is that we often say we forgive someone because that’s the appropriate response, even if we don’t necessarily mean it. This allows the offending party to continue on with their life with a clear conscience, while the hurt, anger and resentment continues to eat at us like a cancer.

Sometimes we fail to ask forgiveness of others, especially Christians, because it’s an assumed given: Christians as commanded to forgive one another, so we shouldn’t have to ask. Unfortunately, that also means we don’t have to apologize, either. Have you ever wondered why there are so many Christians harboring anger and resentment toward each other? This assumption is usually at the root of the matter.

Finally, we tend to think that a person has to deserve forgiveness before it is given. If the offending party is a repeat offender, or isn’t really sincere in their apology (in our over-estimated opinion), then they don’t deserve our unconditional forgiveness.

In its simplest form, forgiveness is simply the act of releasing a person from any punishment or retribution on your part. It wipes the slate clean and allows you and the other person to move forward. It doesn’t change what happened, and it definitely doesn’t mean that you should let your guard down so the person can do it again. But it does mean that you relinquish your right to serve as judge, jury and executioner.

Why It’s Hard To Forgive

There are three major reasons why it is so difficult for us to extend forgiveness to others:

We don’t forgive because it can make us vulnerable. Unforgiveness is often directly related to wanting to retain our control over the offending party. Forgiveness is the carrot on the stick dangling in front of them, always just beyond their reach. It’s really our sick and twisted way of making them grovel for our favor. It puts us squarely in charge of the situation where we have all the power and none of the vulnerability. After all, if people are forgiven for the horrible things they’ve done to us, we open ourselves up to the possibility that they will do those things (or worse) again. Somehow, we seem to think that unforgiveness is a guarantee against future offenses.

We don’t forgive because we haven’t received forgiveness from others. Perhaps you have encountered people in your life like the ones I just described. They withheld forgiveness from you, robbing you of the chance to clean your slate and move on with your life. I have known people who are resentful, bitter and bereft of joy because they have never been shown the grace of forgiveness. And if no one ever has ever forgiven me for the things I’ve done, why should I forgive anyone when they hurt me?

We don’t forgive because we forget how much God has forgiven us. When Jesus died on the cross, He paid the penalty for all of our sins, even the ones we haven’t committed yet. If God can forgive such an overwhelming body of offense, how can we turn around and hold a grudge against another human being?

What We Need To Know About Forgiveness

God’s forgiveness is conditional (no, that is NOT a typo). While God’s love is unconditional, there are numerous passages that indicate that His forgiveness requires some action on our part:

First, we must confess our sin.

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Then, we must also forgive as as we have been forgiven.

Matthew 6:14-15

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 18:21-35

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

“The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’

“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

Mark 11:25

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Luke 6:37

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Luke 11:4

Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.

When we forgive, we can hope in the future. Forgiveness frees us from the past so we don’t have to live in a never-ending cycle of replaying the offenses we’ve endured. When you chain yourself to the past, it will determine what kind of future you will live in - a future of pain, bitterness and resentment.

Forgiveness offers no guarantees; forgiveness only offers grace. Too many people in this world have never seen gracious forgiveness displayed, or see it so rarely that it becomes newsworthy, like what Matthew Shepard’s parents did in that courtroom. As Christians, we should be modeling gracious forgiveness in our lives every day.

No matter what has happened, if you choose to forgive, God will flow grace toward you that will bring about the redemptive, healing protection you’ve always tried to maintain on your own. Unforgiveness binds you to your past; forgiveness binds you to your future and to God’s hope and grace that things can, and will, be different.

You may be afraid that if you give up your anger, hatred and unforgiveness, you will stand naked and unprotected before the world that has hurt you so viciously. The truth is, you already stand naked and unprotected before God, who loves you. But He clothes you with Christ, who has overcome the world (John 16:33). That is enough for everything that you face. Freely have you been forgiven; freely forgive.

Have a blessed week!

Pastor David