Honoring Our Parents

"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12)

I recently spent a few days in Oregon visiting my elderly parents. This annual trek always come with a mixed bag of emotions. I did not have a particularly happy childhood growing up in a very dysfunctional family. My parents were ill-equipped to raise five sons, and made a lot of mistakes along the way. My brothers and I carry the emotional scars that bear witness to this fact. For years, it was incredibly difficult to live out the Fifth Commandment to honor my parents. Selecting appropriate greeting cards on Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, anniversaries, and other holidays was always emotionally challenging. Hallmark doesn't make cards that say, "Thanks for screwing up my childhood. Have a nice day!"

It may sound like a cliche, but my parents got wiser as they aged, and they finally acknowledged that they didn't do such a great job at raising us. But they also claim that they did the best that they could. I accept that, and have moved on, putting the pain of the past behind me.

As they have aged and fallen into poor health, I have started to look upon my parents with pity more than anything else. Regardless of how you feel about your parents, if you have any level of  compassion or empathy, you will find it difficult to watch them decline in their physical and mental capacities. My mother is confined to a nursing home with dementia, where she will spend the rest of her life. My father is on his second pacemaker, and is barely able to care for himself. He lives in solitude at home, after having spent 57 years living with his mate. He visits mom every weekday for a few hours, which takes all of his energy. Being blind in one eye and having limited vision in his other, he shouldn't even be driving to see her, but it's the last vestige of freedom that he has. I figure his guardian angels work overtime every time he makes that trip to see mom.

I used to think that the commandment to "honor your father and mother" meant that we had to act as if they were wonderful people and we could only think good things about them in order to honor them. I no longer hold this opinion. Now, I see honoring my parents as accepting them as they are, flaws and all, as children of God and as the people who brought me into this world. I honor them by giving them a few days of my life once a year (it would be more often if I didn't live so far away). I honor them by not speaking evil of them or wishing ill on them. They have enough of their own demons to battle - I don't need to add my own. I also honor them by not bringing up their past mistakes - there is nothing to be gained by doing so.

Much of what my parents are going through now is self-inflicted. My parents were never very keen on taking care of their physical health. They shunned doctors and preventive health care. Mother never took an interest in activities that would help keep her mind sharp. They both struggled with weight issues, but never watched what they ate or got proper exercise. Now they are restricted to diets they do not enjoy. They take multiple medications to keep they alive. Mom is confined to a wheelchair and can't remember what day it is, or how long she has been at the nursing home. She is trapped in a virtual "Groundhog Day" where every day is a repeat of the one before, and there is no passage of time. She knows that she isn't at home, but she doesn't know where home is.

I have learned a lot from watching what my parents are going through. I learned how important it is to take care of myself, physically and mentally. I have learned the value of maintaining a good diet, watching my weight, and getting plenty of exercise. Perhaps part of honoring them includes taking better care of myself so I can enjoy my senior years when they come.

Parent/child dynamics are complex at best, so I'm not going to sit here and tell you how you should honor your parents, whether living or not. But Ephesians 6:2 reminds us that this is the first commandment with a promise, that we will enjoy long life when we honor our parents. And frankly, life is too short to carry grudges about things over which we have no control. If you experienced pain or abuse as a child, know this: you did not cause that to happen, nor did you have any control over it. The only thing you have control over as an adult is how you will respond to that pain. Let it go. Find a way to honor your parents that works for you. And leave the rest to God.

Have a blessed week!
 
Pastor David

Holy Transformers, Jesus!

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:1-2)

As much as I hate to admit it, the older I get, the less I enjoy or embrace change in my life. However, change is something we all deal with, sometimes on a daily basis. Whether we like change or not, it is going to happen. In fact, one of the primary doctrines of Christianity is based on change.

When we are born again, we are changed into new beings. 2 Corinthians 5:17 tells us: 

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

This is called “regeneration” or being born again. Sometimes this change occurs slowly, and at other times, it happens very quickly. The changes we experience as new creations take place in the spiritual, emotional, and even physical aspects of our lives. For example, I suffered from chronic ulcers when I was in college. As soon as I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior, I was spontaneously healed from my ulcers, even though I didn't specifically ask to be healed of them. God is just that good.

The changes that take place during our conversion experience aren’t a one-time event either – they continue to occur throughout our lives as we are transformed into the likeness of Christ. I honestly believe that we would explode if we were to experience in an instant all of the changes God wants to perform in our lives!

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18)

The Greek word translated as "transformed" in both of these passages comes from the word metamorphosis, which means:

• A profound change in form from one stage to the next in the life history of an organism, such as a caterpillar to a butterfly
• A complete change of form, structure, or substance
• Any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances, etc.

While the process of transformation in our lives is inevitable, it isn’t always easy or without great struggle. Face it – we like various aspects of our old nature and like to keep the old person around to party with. However, we don’t get to decide when and how God will change us, resist as we may. The more we struggle, the harder the change, and the greater the pain. Today I want to look at the concept of allowing God to change us into the people He wants us to be.

The Potter and the Clay

The prophets Jeremiah and Isaiah both including object lessons about potters and clay in their writings.

"This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: 'Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message.' So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him." (Jeremiah 18:1-4)

There are several important lessons to be learned from these few verses:

1. The clay did not choose to jump up on the potter’s wheel – the potter chose the clay and positioned it where he wanted it, in the center of the wheel. Likewise, we did not choose God – He chose us and placed us in the center of His will where He could mold us and shape us into the vessels He wants us to be. The problem is, we keep drifting away from the center of God’s will, and then we get wobbly and out of balance

2. When the potter realized that that the pot was marred, he changed the form of the pot into something else, shaping it as seemed best to him. Sometimes we have character defects that prevent us from being effective in certain areas of our Christian walk. Perhaps these defects make us incapable of serving in a certain ministry. Sometimes God can remove these defects, and sometimes He simply chooses to use us in a different way than we think we should be used.

3. The key point is this – God gets to choose what shape He wants to form us into. We get no say in the matter. Perhaps we really want to be something specific, like a pastor or a missionary or an evangelist. If that isn’t what God wants to use us for, we have two choices: Rebel and make our lives miserable from the struggle that will ensue (God wins, we lose), or Submit and allow God to use us for His glory (God wins, we win).

"You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'He did not make me'? Can the pot say of the potter, 'He knows nothing'?" (Isaiah 29:16)

"Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker, to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' Does your work say, 'He has no hands'?" (Isaiah 45:9)

In these two passages from Isaiah, we find examples of the created being questioning the Creator:

• How often do we think that God doesn’t know what He is doing?
• How often do we blame God when things don’t go our way?
• How often do we accuse God of not being fair because He doesn’t treat us the same way as those around us?
• How often do we try to tell God how to do His job?

Romans 9:20-21 paraphrases these earlier passages:

"But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? 'Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, "Why did you make me like this?" ' Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?"

We play a dangerous game that we cannot win when we go toe to toe with our Creator. God knows us better than we know ourselves, and knows best what we are capable of doing. Who are we to question what God is trying to do in our lives? Fortunately, God is a Gentleman, and because He is, He won’t force us to do anything or change any aspect of our character. After all, He gave us free will, so we have the right to resist Him if we want to. However, God will make us so miserable that we will wish we had submitted to His will. The best course of action is for us to willingly submit to the transforming work that God wants to do in our lives.

None of us has arrived when it comes to spiritual transformation. We all have room for improvement. Perhaps you’re dealing with a particular area that you want God to change, but you can’t seem to let it go. Perhaps God has been prompting you to allow Him to make a change that you really don’t want to make.

Each of us is in a state of transformation, becoming the vessel that God wants us to be. Change can only take place if we are willing to allow it. My prayer for each one of us is that we become transformed into the glorious creatures that God designed us to be. In Romans 12:2, we are told that transformation starts by renewing our minds. This means that we need to correct our thinking about allowing God to take over every part of our lives. If you are struggling with making changes in our life, you are not alone. I invite you to spend some time seeking God’s will and submitting yourself to the gentle touch of the Master Potter.

Have a blessed week!

Pastor David

A Travesty of Justice?

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities."
Psalm 103:8-10

Late last night, it was announced that the jury for the George Zimmerman trial had reached a verdict. They determined that Zimmerman was not guilty of murdering Trayvon Martin. Public outrage was almost immediate. In the court of public opinion, Zimmerman was declared guilty of killing an unarmed youth in a classic racial profiling case. In the court of law, the jury could not reach that same decision based on the case that was presented to them.

Obviously, I was not there on the day Zimmerman shot Martin. Nor was I there in the courtroom listening to all of the evidence and arguments that were presented. And I wasn't in the jury room, privy to the deliberations that led to an acquittal. But I do know three things: George Zimmerman shot and killed Trayvon Martin (that was never disputed); Trayvon Martin is dead, and would remain so regardless of the verdict; and George Zimmerman is free to live out his life. While I believe that an orderly society is predicated upon the ability to hold people accountable for their actions, I also believe that sometimes society has an awkwardly twisted concept of "justice".

Our collective idea of justice says that a victim is vindicated when the criminal is punished for the crime that was committed. And to some extent that is true. However, when the victim's life has been ended because of that crime, they can receive no real justice. What punishment could possibly be handed down to the murderer that would restore the deceased life to them? How can society give back to the victim the years that they missed out on by having their life cut short? In many ways, our idea of "justice" is more about vengeance than making things right.

As I was pondering this particular case, the above passage from Psalm 103 came to mind. This is one of my favorite psalms because it is filled with so many wonderful promises of God's goodness to his people. One of these promises is that "he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities." In other words, we don't get what's coming to us for all the sins we've committed and the mistakes we've made. Sure, we often have to endure the natural consequences of our actions, but God decided along time ago that we couldn't possibly make right all of the offenses that we've committed (and continue to commit). So he chose to balance out his perfect justice with absolute mercy.

I wonder how many of those people rallying for "justice" and demanding that Zimmerman pay for his "crime" are willing to be held 100% accountable for everything they've ever done wrong. We all get away with stuff sooner or later. At this point in time, it appears that Zimmerman got away with killing a kid armed with Skittles and wearing a hoodie. The truth is, the day will come when true Justice will be served, and Zimmerman will have to give an account for what he did:

"For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad." (2 Corinthians 5:10)

Until then, however, it would seem to me that a better use of the energy and resources being used to rally against this verdict would be to work toward creating a better society where people are not profiled for the way they dress or the color of their skin. It has become painfully obvious in recent times that racism is still alive and well in American society, nearly 50 years after the Civil Rights Act was passed. We have a lot of work ahead of us if we want to see a day where the "George Zimmermans" of this world no longer exist.

Until then, pray for Martin's family to find peace and closure, and for calm and reason among those who disagree with the outcome of this case.

Have a blessed week!

Pastor David

Watch Your Mouth!

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 18:21

One of the most memorable and oft-quoted lines from Disney's classic film Bambi is, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

It would seem that celebrity chef Paula Deen has learned this lesson the hard way recently. Over the past week, like a row of dominoes, nearly all of her corporate partners canceled their contracts with her, costing her millions of dollars in lost revenue. Almost overnight she has become public relations poison for brands that once embraced her southern charm and buttery cooking.

The cause of this firestorm was the revelation that Paula is being sued by one of her employees for fostering a hostile atmosphere of racial and sexual harassment. At the center of this scandal is the allegation that Paula uses the "N" word. She claims it was something she used to say "in the past" but doesn't really use it any more. I'm not convinced that is about something she said decades ago (what white southerner from her generation didn't have the "N" word in their vocabulary at one time?). The fact that she is being accused of this, and more, by a current white employee on behalf of her fellow workers tells me that Ms. Deen hasn't exactly corrected her vocabulary to ensure that her employees have her respect regardless of the color of their skin. In fact, according to the claims in the lawsuit, Paul and her brother have quite am interesting vocabulary when it comes to interacting with African-Americans. Click here for more details.

I suppose in due time we will learn the truth as this case winds its way through the courts. I don't want to put myself in the position of judging her just yet, but I think we can learn a valuable lesson from her situation.

The quote from Proverbs above is a favorite of mine. As one whose mouth regularly gets him into trouble, I need all the reminders I can get about how important our words are. Words can heal or destroy, lift up or tear down, literally give live or inflict death. A word spoken can never be retrieved. It doesn't matter how much you may apologize or cry tears of remorse, the damage of a carelessly spoken word can never be totally undone. The offended party may forgive you, but your words will always leave a scar on their heart or in their spirit.

In this day and age where we seem to have more conversations online than face-to-face, I think people tend to be more careless about what they say and how they say it when they don't have to look the other person in the eye. And because we can't always detect the person's reaction to what we've said, we may not even realize how hurtful our words may have been.

Just because something pops into your head doesn't mean it's worth saying. Even the truth doesn't always need to be verbalized if you know that speaking it is going to do more harm than good. If you find yourself wanting to say something that isn't specifically uplifting or encouraging, stop for a moment and ask yourself a few questions:

• What is my motivation for saying this - am I trying to help the person, or am I trying to make myself feel better or more superior?
• Is this something that needs to be said, or am I just trying to prove that I'm right?
• How will this person receive what I'm trying to say?
• Is there a better way to say this that will be more palatable to the hearer?

It has been said that God gave us two ears and one mouth because He expects us to listen twice as much as we speak. I don't know if that's true or not, but it makes a lot of sense. If we spend more time listening to one another and less time spouting off without first processing our thoughts and filtering our words, we would be on track for making this a more beautiful world.

Psalm 141:3 says, "Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." Let this be our prayer every day.

Have a blessed week!

Pastor David

A Time To Forgive

When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

“Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Luke 7:36-50

The parents of Matthew Shepard, the young gay man who was murdered in Wyoming in 1998, rejoiced over the guilty verdict reached by a Laramie jury in November 1999. The judge told a packed courtroom that the jury’s verdict “showed true courage” and sent a message that violence is not the solution to differing views on sexual orientation.

Courtroom observers were not prepared for what Dennis and Judy Shepard did next. After waiting 13 months for a guilty verdict for their son’s killers, Matthew Shepard’s parents asked the judge to spare the lives of Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson by giving them life sentences rather than the death penalty.

According to attorney Cal Rerucha, who prosecuted the case, “They (the Shepards) could look into the eyes of the man who took their son and give him mercy.”

Have you ever struggled with forgiving someone who has harmed you? If not, you probably have lived your life in a bubble up to now. We all struggle with forgiveness from time to time. It is natural and normal for us to want to punish those who hurt us. That’s why forgiveness is a supernatural, spiritual act. It goes against the grain of our fleshly nature.

Distorted Ideas About Forgiveness

Part of the problem we have with embracing forgiveness as a way of life is that we tend to have some distorted ideas about forgiveness. Some people think that forgiveness is only reserved for major infractions; that somehow if the offense doesn’t come with great drama and fanfare, it doesn’t require forgiveness. But forgiveness can be about big issues and little issues. When the offenses, hurts or disappointments caused by others affect things of central value to our lives, we need to respond with forgiveness. We tend to gloss over minor offenses as not being that important, lest we blow them out of proportion. After all, who wants to rock the boat as long as it’s still sailing? However, unless these minor offenses are forgiven, they can build up into insurmountable resentment.

Another issue is that we often say we forgive someone because that’s the appropriate response, even if we don’t necessarily mean it. This allows the offending party to continue on with their life with a clear conscience, while the hurt, anger and resentment continues to eat at us like a cancer.

Sometimes we fail to ask forgiveness of others, especially Christians, because it’s an assumed given: Christians as commanded to forgive one another, so we shouldn’t have to ask. Unfortunately, that also means we don’t have to apologize, either. Have you ever wondered why there are so many Christians harboring anger and resentment toward each other? This assumption is usually at the root of the matter.

Finally, we tend to think that a person has to deserve forgiveness before it is given. If the offending party is a repeat offender, or isn’t really sincere in their apology (in our over-estimated opinion), then they don’t deserve our unconditional forgiveness.

In its simplest form, forgiveness is simply the act of releasing a person from any punishment or retribution on your part. It wipes the slate clean and allows you and the other person to move forward. It doesn’t change what happened, and it definitely doesn’t mean that you should let your guard down so the person can do it again. But it does mean that you relinquish your right to serve as judge, jury and executioner.

Why It’s Hard To Forgive

There are three major reasons why it is so difficult for us to extend forgiveness to others:

We don’t forgive because it can make us vulnerable. Unforgiveness is often directly related to wanting to retain our control over the offending party. Forgiveness is the carrot on the stick dangling in front of them, always just beyond their reach. It’s really our sick and twisted way of making them grovel for our favor. It puts us squarely in charge of the situation where we have all the power and none of the vulnerability. After all, if people are forgiven for the horrible things they’ve done to us, we open ourselves up to the possibility that they will do those things (or worse) again. Somehow, we seem to think that unforgiveness is a guarantee against future offenses.

We don’t forgive because we haven’t received forgiveness from others. Perhaps you have encountered people in your life like the ones I just described. They withheld forgiveness from you, robbing you of the chance to clean your slate and move on with your life. I have known people who are resentful, bitter and bereft of joy because they have never been shown the grace of forgiveness. And if no one ever has ever forgiven me for the things I’ve done, why should I forgive anyone when they hurt me?

We don’t forgive because we forget how much God has forgiven us. When Jesus died on the cross, He paid the penalty for all of our sins, even the ones we haven’t committed yet. If God can forgive such an overwhelming body of offense, how can we turn around and hold a grudge against another human being?

What We Need To Know About Forgiveness

God’s forgiveness is conditional (no, that is NOT a typo). While God’s love is unconditional, there are numerous passages that indicate that His forgiveness requires some action on our part:

First, we must confess our sin.

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Then, we must also forgive as as we have been forgiven.

Matthew 6:14-15

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 18:21-35

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

“The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’

“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

Mark 11:25

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Luke 6:37

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Luke 11:4

Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.

When we forgive, we can hope in the future. Forgiveness frees us from the past so we don’t have to live in a never-ending cycle of replaying the offenses we’ve endured. When you chain yourself to the past, it will determine what kind of future you will live in - a future of pain, bitterness and resentment.

Forgiveness offers no guarantees; forgiveness only offers grace. Too many people in this world have never seen gracious forgiveness displayed, or see it so rarely that it becomes newsworthy, like what Matthew Shepard’s parents did in that courtroom. As Christians, we should be modeling gracious forgiveness in our lives every day.

No matter what has happened, if you choose to forgive, God will flow grace toward you that will bring about the redemptive, healing protection you’ve always tried to maintain on your own. Unforgiveness binds you to your past; forgiveness binds you to your future and to God’s hope and grace that things can, and will, be different.

You may be afraid that if you give up your anger, hatred and unforgiveness, you will stand naked and unprotected before the world that has hurt you so viciously. The truth is, you already stand naked and unprotected before God, who loves you. But He clothes you with Christ, who has overcome the world (John 16:33). That is enough for everything that you face. Freely have you been forgiven; freely forgive.

Have a blessed week!

Pastor David